GRE考試中作文漏洞如何修補
GRE考試中作文漏洞如何修補,我們一起學(xué)習(xí)一下吧，下面小編就和大家分享，來欣賞一下吧。
GRE考試中作文漏洞如何修補
gre作文原稿(第三段)
The nonmainstream areas can do harm to[1] the society, only when people don't inquire them merely for fun, but for resolution[2] of life instead. It is ignorance because no one in the world could point out way for others, neither does the God[3]. Only those people with confidence have the possibility to successfully solve problems.
語言修改
Nonmainstream areas can harm society when people look to them for genuine solutions to real problems, not just for fun. This is done from ignorance, since nobody, not even God, can provide any answers. Only people with confidence can successfully solve their problems.
gre作文內(nèi)容點評及修改
這是習(xí)作的第三段，作者進一步提出如果是為了好玩而相信迷信的東西是沒有關(guān)系的。假設(shè)你是用迷信的東西來解決生活問題就會出問題。因為這個世界上沒有人能夠為其他的人指明道路，上帝也不行。他所說的最后這句話有點過于絕對，很多人是可以為他人指明道路，他們的職業(yè)就是這樣的，比方說輔導(dǎo)員、老師。
這段與前一段的問題一樣，只闡明了觀點，但是沒有提出任何的例證來支持觀點。只說論點，不講證據(jù)是中國學(xué)生的普遍問題。另外，在英語國家里，上帝是主流的而不是“非主流的”。在內(nèi)容上又有點偏題。文章的題目是主流與非主流，可以定義為科學(xué)與迷信，但是宗教并不是迷信。宗教在西方社會是居于主流地位的。這一段的措辭有點像是討論科學(xué)與宗教的關(guān)系，這是不恰當(dāng)?shù)摹２贿^，這篇習(xí)作有一個突出的優(yōu)點就是每一段的開頭句都有topic sentence開宗明義。
如果想要使這段的論述更加充實，不妨添加下面這些例子。如一個人如果得病的話應(yīng)該去找醫(yī)生而不是去找算命的。星象學(xué)家也許會相信星座的移動造成了流行性感冒，但是真正治療感冒癥狀的可能是阿司匹林。另外，不能只提出只有那些具備信心和解決問題能力的人才能克服困難，要用例子支持一下，可以舉出如果因為星座專欄說你在找工作方面有非常好的運氣，你就對一次找工作的面試掉以輕心，那就可能會把好機會糟蹋了。這就是對“只有那些有信心的人、有自信的人才能解決問題”的說明。
gre作文修改范例
Nonmainstream areas can be harmful when people look to them for genuine solutions to real problems, not just for fun. A person who becomes ill should seek help from a health care professional but should not resort to consulting a fortune-teller. Astrologers may believe that the rotation of planets accounts for influenza, yet aspirin is definitely more effective in treating its symptoms. As for individuals, only people with confidence and problem-solving skills can surmount difficulties. If you treat an important interview lightly just because the astrology column says that you have fabulous luck in job-hunting, you may ruin a great opportunity.
gre作文原稿(第四段)
And[4] the mainstream science plays the very vital role to provide people with reasonable methods[5]. These science are based on practical experiments, carefully analize and reasoning[6]. They may not seem as good as those nonmainstream areas in satisfying human needs, but under their artless face they give people real help.
語言修改
On the other hand, science plays the very vital role of providing people with reasoned[7] methods to conduct life. Science is based on practical experiments, careful analysis, and reasoning. They may not seem as miraculous as nonmainstream areas in satisfying human needs, but under their artless face they give people real help.
gre作文內(nèi)容點評及修改
這一段大問題跟前面類似，只是提出了主流的科學(xué)給人們提供合理的方法。這些科學(xué)是基于實驗，仔細(xì)的分析和邏輯的方法的。它們看上去不如非主流的追求那樣滿足人們的追求，但是卻能給人提供真正的幫助。這是作者的觀點，但是沒有具體說明科學(xué)是如何給人們提供合理的方法，缺乏真正能夠支持論點的實例。下面的修改范例在內(nèi)容上對原稿進行了補充。不僅提出科學(xué)不像那些迷信那樣能夠給人們提供奇跡的、不可思議的方法，但是在科學(xué)樸實的外表之下它能夠給人們帶來真正的幫助，并例舉了
具體的科學(xué)門類所給人們提供的幫助。
gre作文修改范例
On the other hand, the history of mankind has amply demonstrated that, science based on experiments and analysis, provide people with reasoned methods to conduct life. Psychology explains human behavior. Sociology enlightens people on their relationship with their surrounding environment. Modern medicine has advanced so much that it is now possible to predict cancer even before a child is born.
gre作文原稿(第五段)
Generally speaking, the so-called[8] nonmainstream areas color our life to a great extent, but we should believe in[9] the mainstream science when we want to resolve problems[10].
gre作文語言修改
Mainstream areas color our lives to a great extent, but we should put our trust in mainstream science when we want to solve real problems.
習(xí)作總評
這篇習(xí)作所犯的錯誤非常有代表性，提出的觀點幾乎完全沒有例證。這是中國學(xué)生最大的通病。許多學(xué)生似乎覺得如果觀點是公認(rèn)的，就不需要例證了。但是現(xiàn)在是在考寫作能力，其中最重要的一條就是能否用恰當(dāng)?shù)乩C支持觀點。至于觀點是否新穎還是其次的考量。
第二個錯誤，也是非常普遍的錯誤就是沒有表現(xiàn)出對問題的復(fù)雜性的理解。有老師把這一點說成是“表達復(fù)雜思想的能力”。這樣說不準(zhǔn)確。GRE作文不要求表達“復(fù)雜的思想”,而是表現(xiàn)出洞悉議題的復(fù)雜性的能力。GRE的題目往往不是黑白分明的，你可以有自己的觀點，多么強烈都可以，但是從第一段起，就要注意展現(xiàn)對問題復(fù)雜性的認(rèn)識。具體說，就是認(rèn)識到你反駁或不同意的觀點往往也有它的道理。
[1] “Do harm to”改為“harm”，因為這樣說更直接。英語里有 “does more harm than good”, “did little harm”這樣的表達法，但是“對…有害”應(yīng)該直接用 “harm”, 或者be harmful to, be detrimental to.
[2] “resolution” 是“決心”的意思，如New Year resolution. 此外還有“決議”的意思，如：a resolution of the dispute.“解決問題”中的“解決”要用“solve” 或者“solution”。
[3] “the God”改為“God ”或是“the Gods”。
[4]表示轉(zhuǎn)折的詞中and是很少用的。這一段和上一段的關(guān)系是轉(zhuǎn)折，應(yīng)該用but。
[5]原稿中只提到了methods，而沒有說是干什么的方法。改后稿改為methods to conduct life，具體說明了處理生活的方法。
[6]第二句犯了parallelism的錯誤，不能夠真正的平行。practical experiments是個名詞, carefully analize 是副詞加動詞，而reasoning是動名詞?！翱茖W(xué)看上去不如非主流的追求那樣滿足人們的追求?！边@句話在內(nèi)容上也是有問題的。
[7] reasoned表示“合乎邏輯的”，reasonable表示“較為合理的”不一定是合乎邏輯的。reasonable還表示“費用不高的”。
[8] 用法錯誤：“So-called”暗示所提及的內(nèi)容不是真正意義上的非主流，只是這樣叫罷了。
[9] believe in: 信仰, trust, put trust in: 信任。
[10] resolve conflict解決沖突，解決問題直接用solve problems就可以了。real problem表示現(xiàn)實當(dāng)中的問題。
以上就是經(jīng)過名師修改的gre作文實例。通過這篇文章，大家可以學(xué)到如何下手去修改gre作文，考G同學(xué)也可以相互批改，共同進步
GRE issue寫作優(yōu)秀實例：技術(shù)影響之交流
題目：
High-speed electronic communications media, such as electronic mail and television, tend to prevent meaningful and thoughtful communication.
高速電子通訊媒體，例如電子郵件和電視，在逐漸地抑制有意義的和有思想性的交流。
正文：
The technology is seducive:the global networks transparently transiting megabytes of information in fractions of a second; client/server softwares supporting fabulous real-time multimedia presentations on PC and MAC workstations; effortless visits to the virtual reality words. As a result, the interpersonal communication become increasingly meaningful and thoughtful in that the appearance of high-speed electronic communications media such as electronic mail and television accumulates more people in different geographicla places to a conference and facilitate their communication.
No field benefits more than business in terms of commercial intercourse from the electronic communication, which can save the engaged businessmen plenty of time ,energy and money, in other words, make profits for them. Instead of taking several flights one day to make trades with people, now the businessman just need sit down in front of the computer screen , and click the keys. While it is expensive to call in a large number of people to a definite place to hold a meeting, by utilizing electronic television, electronic conference presently goes on in the internet, ecnomically and efficiently. Thereby electronic media facilitate our meaningful communication, which contributes to the prosperity of business in reality.
On an individual level, electronic communications media shorten the distance of people to such a degree that every and each one, regardless of sex, nationality, and race, can talk with each other in the global village through internet. When people of different backgrounds participate in a specific talk toward a special topic, motley assortments of opinions and views bear their heads and in the mean time we share our sparks of thoughts, we can obtain the more profound and through understanding of the matter around us. Further , the implements based on the internet offer us a another way to communicate with our familiar friends. Unlike talking to them in true life, where we have to conceal some of our inner expression when facing to facing, we are able to free our mask and interact with each other without restrictions of the mind, and thus carry a deep talk.
Yet some people may argue that the internet renders people no thoughtful and meaningful communication, since they contrive misleading information and play evil jokes to others. Nonetheless, this has, in my opinion, nothing to do with the internet itself. Rather, if we are honest and sincere enough behind the screen, the problem will not exist and thus we can make most use of the electronic means to foster our life.
In sum , I disagree with the statement in that from our empirical experience, the electronic media makes our communication increasingly meaningful and thoughtful.As long as we adopt a genuine and candid attitude towards people in the global networks, no matter in many social field such as the business area or from a personal perspective, electronic communications media will serve as a powerful and serviceable implement aided in our quotidian life.
GRE issue寫作優(yōu)秀實例：技術(shù)影響之旅游
題目：
Because of television and worldwide computer connections, people can now become familiar with a great many places that they have never visited. As a result,tourism will soon become obsolete.
由于電視和全球范圍內(nèi)的計算機網(wǎng)絡(luò)，人們現(xiàn)在可以熟悉很多以前從未涉足過的地方。其結(jié)果就是使得旅游變得過時了。
正文：
Will the widespread television and computer connections dampen people’ enthusiasm for tourism? The speaker claim that the prospect would be that tourism will soon become obsolete, but I seriously doubt it. In my point of view, although television and computer connections provide people alternatives of viewing the world without stepping out of their homes, these modern conveniences kindle more people’s tourism lust.
Admittedly, television and computer connections do slow down some people’s interest in tourism. By viewing the vivid description of certain tourist attractions with detailed illustration provided by television and computers, it makes the once illusionary picture of staying at home and traveling around the world become a possible scenario that everybody can get accessed to. What is more, due to the fast-rhythm modern life,except during vacations, people can hardly afford time to travel around whenever they want. Thus, television problems and computer network become effective substitutes.But I by no means agree that tourism will become obsolete. Daily empirical evidences show us that instead of becoming out of date with all the programs focusing on places of interest, tourism is prospering unprecedented. According to statistical study, the global revenue brought out by tourism has amount to one third of the total and this trend tends to increase gradually and at the same time, traveling expenditure for individual household has account for the biggest spending next to food and accommodation. The main causes underlying this trend lies in two aspects.
For one thing, psychological research shows that human beings are sensible animals whose curiosity can only be satisfied with all the five sensation being obtained, such as touch, taste, hearing smelling and view. Although it is possible for human to view beautiful pictures, listen people’s voices, or understand the weird customs, when it comes to other sensations, televisions and computers can hardly fulfill their task comparing with people’s direct experience of being in that place. Consider, for example,food has constituted an important part of culture and how it is possible for us to have a bite of the tasty food of Peking duck, Italian noodles or Japanese sushi. Nothing would be more valuable than surfing in the sea, lying on the beach to enjoy the sunshine, smell the fragrant earth in the California coastline. The above examples best illustrate why with all the convenience of staying home and approach to several nations in a few hours still cannot satisfy peoples’ lust for traveling.
The second deep-rooted reason for the prospering of tourism is actually achieved in some sense by the wide spreading of televisions and computer connection. People were reluctant to leave their home and travel in other courtiers for the concern of safety and cultural difference and adaptation. Thanks to all the television programs available, we come to realize how to socialize with local people, deal with cultural shock and arrange our trips from the guidance of those programs. For example, we observe an increasing willingness in recent years for Americans to travel to north-east Asia or Africa instead of clustering to European countries what they consider close in culture and secure both mentally and physically. Having a net friend you get to know on the Internet deepens our understanding about another culture that we never encounter before and this in turn, stimulate our desire and curiosity to experience by our own in that place.
To sum up, I agree with the speaker to certain extent that television and computer connection make it possible for people to sit at home and travel around the world. But by going too far to claim that tourism will become obsolete is against the empirical observation in our daily life as well as fact that the first-hand experience arouses psychological enjoyment. In addition, by familiar ourselves with foreign culture through Internet and television programs diminish our sense of insecurity and cultural gap brought out by total blindness and ignorance about another nation and thus shed light on our curiosity as well as the willingness to explore.
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