雅思寫作提高之雅思7分大作范文批改與解析

小編給大家?guī)砹搜潘紝懽魈岣咧潘?分大作范文批改與解析,一起來學(xué)習(xí)一下吧，下面小編就和大家分享，來欣賞一下吧。

雅思寫作提高之：雅思7分大作范文批改與解析

雅思寫作提高第一步：結(jié)構(gòu)(5.0 - 5.5)

問題：出國留學(xué)的優(yōu)點(the advantages of disadvantages of study abroad)

同學(xué)：One reason for those who decide to go overseas to get a higher degree is that they believe they can get better education in certain fields. That is to say, different universities in different countries have their specialized courses and rich resources can be provided according to their needs and requirements. Another reason is that they can learn a foreign language in a more efficient way. There is no denying that living in an all-round English environment and being affected by local culture make people quick learners.

解析：出國留學(xué)和高學(xué)歷完全是兩回事(出去讀初中和高中都算出國);出國就是better education，在國內(nèi)就不是better? 出國留學(xué)可不僅僅是上大學(xué)，而該同學(xué)認(rèn)為出國留學(xué)就是去上大學(xué)的(因為她可能就是去上大學(xué)的，所以覺得所有人也都如此)，偏激。此外，第四句論述變成了英語環(huán)境了(因為大家都去英語國家，所以主觀認(rèn)為，所有出國的人就是去學(xué)英語的)，再次帶來了內(nèi)容偏激。

大家找問題的時候是不是去找語法或者詞匯使用上面的錯誤了?對，很多時候大家認(rèn)為自己寫的沒什么問題(畢竟詞匯和語法沒少使用)，分?jǐn)?shù)低會歸類到“壓分”。那么在感受一下5.5分的原因真是詞匯或者語法問題嗎?考官看不懂，就是看不懂;唯一看懂的就是結(jié)構(gòu)還算完整，所以5.0 - 5.5分。

雅思寫作提高第二步：邏輯(6.0 - 6.5)

邏輯部分的主要得分點有兩個：一個是觀點的準(zhǔn)確性;一個是論證方法的靈活使用。我們根據(jù)剛才的5.0 - 5.5分的文章，進(jìn)一步感受一下有了邏輯的內(nèi)容有什么區(qū)別。

問題：出國留學(xué)的優(yōu)點(the advantages of disadvantages of study abroad)

Tim老師改：One reason for those who decide to go overseas for study is that they believe they can have access to different educational resources. That is to say, different countries have different educational system, and they can provide people with their specialized courses and rich resources to their needs and requirements. Another reason is that they can learn a foreign language in a more efficient way. There is no denying that living in a foreign environment and being affected by local culture make people learn a language more quickly.

解析：Tim老師通過修改了上面同學(xué)的問題，把內(nèi)容變得更準(zhǔn)確、有說服力。所以，5.5 - 6.0分的一個最佳提分方式就是學(xué)會總結(jié)歸納自己要說的內(nèi)容;否則，只是通過詞匯或者語法是很難提高分?jǐn)?shù)的(大家可以感受一下自己當(dāng)下的學(xué)習(xí)方式就知道了)。

雅思寫作第三步：語言(7+)

小站雅思君進(jìn)一步給大家感受一下7.0分的標(biāo)準(zhǔn)又和上面的內(nèi)容有什么區(qū)別。

問題：出國留學(xué)的優(yōu)點 (the advantages of disadvantages of study abroad)

On one hand, people can have access to different educational resources when they pursue their study in another country. It is self-evident that everyone would choose a place that offers a more competitive and better education in certain field as the destination for their overseas studies. This explains the reason why bunches of young people flood into some countries for further their study, such as America or Germany. Under this circumstance, students will receive many materials that are more up-to-date and teachers can provide them with the latest development in their fields that differs from others.

解析：一段只圍繞一個觀點做展開論述。通過強調(diào)論證、解釋論證、遞進(jìn)句等不同論證方法來解釋觀點：出國留學(xué)可以讓人們獲取不同的教育資源。并且語言使用準(zhǔn)確且多樣，層層遞進(jìn)。所以，從段落的邏輯性、緊密型以及語言使用的多樣性還有準(zhǔn)確性上面都符合7分標(biāo)準(zhǔn)。

2018年7月21日雅思寫作真題回憶及范文

題目為Some businesses find that new employees who just finish their education lack basic interpersonal ability such as work with others as a part of team.

雅思小作文類型：流程圖

題目 The diagram shows the how recycled paper is made

雅思大作文類型：社會類

題目：Some businesses find that new employees who just finish their education lack basic interpersonal ability such as work with others as a part of team.What do you think the causes of this problem?And how to solve this?

范文來自雅思哥：

Despite the high level of knowledge, employers today have found that their new employees lack basic interpersonal skills needed in an office environment. This essay will analyze the main reason leading to the problem and offer some potential solutions to it.

People with interpersonal skills are the people who can vary how they act and what they contribute. They notice the strengths and weaknesses of their group, and they adapt. However, schools and colleges or universities have failed to equip students with such applied skills. Instead, students are encouraged to focus on their academic subjects exclusively, because they are only evaluated by their academic performance which is essential to receiving an academic qualification. Unfortunately, many of them have turned into information recipients who acquire the knowledge in a passive way without truly developing abilities and skills required in today s job market. For high schools, educators should think more about how students are learning, rather than just what they are learning. Teaching should reflect the richness of real-life interactions, and to give students experience in the kinds of settings that are going to be useful to them when they leave school. Assignments and curricula should integrate opportunities to work collaboralively. Group projects, for example, are valuable learning opportunities.

In the higher education sphere, professors and administrators should encourage students to seek out real-world experiences. Colleges and universities could ask students to work cotlaboratively in the classroom and pursue internships and volunteer opportunities outside of it. Students should also look for critical growth opportunities within their extracurncular activities, rather than just viewing them as resume-fillers.

To conclude, jobs requiring high levels of social interaction are growing. In order to help graduates better prepare for their future career, changes should be considered in the education system.

2018年7月21日雅思小作文真題范文解析：廢紙循環(huán)利用

雅思小作文題目：The diagram shows the how recycled paper is made.

雅思小作文范文解析：流程圖可分為關(guān)于生命周期的和生產(chǎn)過程的。該題目屬于后者，難點有2個。第一個是可能出現(xiàn)生詞，比如圖中的pulp, filtering等。這些詞多是名詞或者動名詞詞組，而氣體，液體，粉末狀及漿體材料多是不可數(shù)名詞，相反，設(shè)備多數(shù)是可數(shù)名詞如conveyor belt。第二個難點是步驟間的銜接，考生可以積累相關(guān)句式比如，once/as soon as/after/when/where/on which 等。

雅思小作文高分表達(dá)

materials and equipment a series of screens

four consecutive steps After the filtering process

be placed on a blender made up of

Are poured down the next process involves

be immersed into be submerged into

雅思小作文范文

Given is a process chart illustrating materials and equipment used in four consecutive steps consisted in the manufacture of recycled paper.

First of all, shredded paper collected in tubs will be placed on a conveyor belt which transfers it to a container. Once the waste paper scraps are poured down, they are immersed in water and chemicals to breakdown the paper fiber materials. It turns the paper materials into a slurry substance, a process termed as pulping. When pulp is produced it is then passed through a series of screens.

After the filtering process, the next process involves putting the clean and homogeneous pulp in a blender made up of water and soap to enhance purity. At this point, air will be infused while ink will be discharged by a tube. The cleaned pulp will drain through a pipe into the last container to be submerged into water and chemicals, after which, it is put to dry on a flat conveyor belt and form long rolls of continuous sheets of paper.

In brief, the whole recycling process for waste paper takes four steps involving pulping, filtering, cleaning and forming.

2018年7月21日雅思大作文范文及解析：畢業(yè)生社交問題

雅思大作文寫作類型 社會類

雅思大作文范文解析：本文屬于典型的report題型，原因+解決措施，依舊考查了6月份2次出現(xiàn)的社會話題。Report題目難度不大,只要題目要求沒看走眼，一般TR 和cc 較容易取得高分，但report 很容易出現(xiàn)過多模板句。要想考高分的選手，實現(xiàn)7.5+的請注意避免過于模板化，使用套句時盡量貼近原文，詞匯語法豐富性上多下功夫。

文章結(jié)構(gòu) 第一段：背景引入+題目要求(選寫)

第二段：剛畢業(yè)學(xué)生缺乏人際能力的原因1：大學(xué)生過分重視追求高學(xué)歷，忽略了人際溝通能力的培養(yǎng)。2：傳統(tǒng)教育只注重孩子學(xué)術(shù)能力的培養(yǎng)，而鮮有涉及到對合作溝通能力訓(xùn)練的課程。

第三段：提出相關(guān)解決措施。

第四段：總結(jié)原因措施。

雅思大作文高分話題表達(dá)

prestigious universities 名牌大學(xué)

the requisite qualifications 必要資格條件

entry-level candidates 初級雇員

more often than not 一般來說

a decent job 體面的工作

pursuing academic achievements 追求高的學(xué)術(shù)成績

fill the void of 彌補...不足

jobs with promising future 有前途的工作

extra-curricular activities 課外活動

integrate into 融入

sense of work ethic 職業(yè)道德意識

teamwork 團隊意識

camaraderie 同伴關(guān)系

The key to doing 做...的關(guān)鍵

extended internship 延長實習(xí)

雅思大作文高分結(jié)構(gòu)

seldom do they devote 部分倒轉(zhuǎn)

extra-curricular activities enabling them to 分詞后置定語

,especially in , 插入語具體化

Time that young children should have 定從+過去虛擬(本可以)

逗號+aiming 分句現(xiàn)在分詞狀語和修飾邏輯主修飾關(guān)系

approaches mentioned above 過去分詞做后置定語

雅思大作文范文

Recently,a quite number of new graduates from prestigious universities,however,are failing to impress employers, not because they lack the requisite qualifications but because they are rather restricted in interpersonal skills to integrate effectively into the office environment.

A wide range of factors may contribute to the limitation and deficiency of interpersonal skills among those entry-level candidates.Predictably,due to the increasingly competitive employment market,certificates and high academic qualifications,more often than not,have been regarded as one of the preconditions for a decent job.As a result,the vast majority of undergraduates give priority to pursuing academic achievements to fill the void of education backgrounds;however,seldom do they devote in any community services or other extra-curricular activities enabling them to accumulate certain applied skills,such as ta sense of work ethic, camaraderie and teamwork,and strong communication skills.Moreover,outmoded education system,especially in Asian countries,should be responsible for students’ poor performance in workplace.No matter for schools or parents,the key to evaluating an excellent student is always the academic grades.Ironically,the time that young children should have spent learning how to adapt to the society was unreasonably taken up to explore the rather impenetrable and less-practical knowledge in textbooks,consequently resulting in the lack of sophisticated interpersonal skills among those college grads.

However,a series of remedial measures should be timely taken into account with a view to addressing this worrying issue.Fundamentally,a comprehensive curriculum for developing applied skills,such as to navigate an office setting and to cooperate with others, are supposed to be introduced to youngsters, enabling them to meet the demand of employers before they are allowed to leave school and enter the workforce as full-time hires. At the same time, extended internship for senior students and extra-curricular activities like community services should be encouraged by parents and schools,aiming at strengthening their sense of belonging. As young adults working as a part in a team or company are more likely to perceive how to effectively communicate,and deal with superior-subordinate relationship, etc.

In conclusion, the restriction in interpersonal skills to the young generation may attribute to the overstated importance of academic qualifications and the incongruous education system. A series of corresponding approaches mentioned above are considered, most employers will undoubtedly change their dim view of college graduates’ interpersonal skills.

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