雅思作文點評分享
今天小編和大家分享雅思作文點評，希望可以幫助到大家，下面小編就和大家分享，來欣賞一下吧。
雅思作文點評：論證不夠示例湊
還是關(guān)于“老一輩的傳統(tǒng)觀念是否還適用于現(xiàn)在的社會”的雅思寫作話題
①However， not all past views are proper. Some of them have limitation themselves initially. Typical example is the traditional view of gender. In the past， women are regarded as a role that can only assist men instead of being independent. This traditional view results to an unequal position between man and women no matter in education or job market. This， actually， hinders the development of our society. The main reason is that it ignores females’ special talent and limits females to contribute to the world. Nowadays， increasing amount of women start to fight with this unfair views and it definitely benefit our world.
②The virtual of trust and credit could be another vivid example to demonstrate the significance of traditional values. In the past， people would make every effort to keep their promises and try to bean honest one. In comparison， people currently become more practical and put less attention on morality. It can be easily heard from the media about the news of cheating and many critics have created a new term of crisis of trust between people. Consequently， there is no doubt to refute these old yet precious ideas.
①當(dāng)中，共8句話，從第3句話開始，全部是實例。②更夸張，整段都是實例。
有些人寫作，舉不出例子，有些人寫作，能用例子來代替論證，真是有些無奈。這其實也說明了雅思寫作的難與模式化。
用實例貫穿整個雅思大作文主體段，從根本原因來說，大約是思辨能力不夠，無法對這個話題展開更多的純粹思辨過程。所以，平時多對雅思寫作話題進(jìn)行正反兩方面的思考，同時注意收集素材，十分重要。
有考官曾向人祭出了他的超級雅思寫作模板，13句訣。粗看實在讓人難以置信，但是，滿分作文，就是這么這么寫出來的。
他說：It surprises some people when I tell them that they only need to write 13 sentences for writing task 2：
Introduction(開頭段)： 2句
First main body paragraph(主體段1)： 5 句
Second main body paragraph(主體段2)： 5 句
Conclusion(結(jié)尾)： 1 句
Please note： It is not a 'rule' that you must write 13 sentences. This is just my approach or method.
對于他的主體段的5句，也可以再細(xì)分一下：觀點句1+支撐句2+例子2
索性貼一篇他的9分雅思作文吧：
People have different views about whether we are more or less dependent on others nowadays. In my view， modern life forces us to be more independent than people were in the past.
There are two main reasons why it could be argued that we are more dependent on each other now. Firstly， life is more complex and difficult， especially because the cost of living has increased so dramatically. For example， young adults tend to rely on their parents for help when buying a house. Property prices are higher than ever， and without help it would be impossible for many people to pay a deposit and a mortgage. Secondly， people seem to be more ambitious nowadays， and they want a better quality of life for their families. This means that both parents usually need to work full-time， and they depend on support from grandparents and babysitters for child care.
However， I would agree with those who believe that people are more independent these days. In most countries， families are becoming smaller and more dispersed， which means that people cannot count on relatives as much as they used to. We also have more freedom to travel and live far away from our home towns. For example， many students choose to study abroad instead of going to their local university， and this experience makes them more independent as they learn to live alone. Another factor in this growing independence is technology， which allows us to work alone and from any part of the world.
In conclusion， while there are some reasons to believe that people now depend on each other more， my own view is that we are more independent than ever.
雅思作文點評：同義詞替換
請看雅思寫作實例：
話題：Some people believe that older generation’s traditional ideas are not the right way to live， think and behave in modern society. To what extent do you agree or disagree?(2008/01/19)
Past ideas are precious treasures of human beings. Although not every traditional idea can be used in modern community， many of them still have their reference value for the development of our society. In other words， if we follow these ideas in the properly on the basis of current situation， they still could pave the right way for us to think and live.
重點看past，community，還有pave the right way。較準(zhǔn)確的表達(dá)可以是traditional， society， be a good guidance。
還有：It is the heritage of traditional opinions that enables us to be frugal for living materials， natural and social resources. 這句話的說理用上了heritage， enable，其實本身都沒有問題，但是放在這，顯得突兀?！皞鹘y(tǒng)觀點”的遺產(chǎn)，使我們能夠變得節(jié)約。一部分原因是作者把traditional ideas換成了traditional opinions，這其實不是無縫的同義替換。較好的表達(dá)可以是：Traditional ideas teach us to be frugal and always save for the future.
必須要指出很多烤鴨寫作的一個重要誤區(qū)：替換強(qiáng)迫癥?；蛟S你有在哪個輔導(dǎo)書里看到過說雅思小作文要會替換題設(shè)中的一些詞匯。但是，如果本身讀題時，就不能很精準(zhǔn)的解讀題目，再加上你對某些關(guān)鍵詞匯的使用語域不清，導(dǎo)致你開篇導(dǎo)入話題時似乎就走在了偏題的路上了。
雅思大作文的導(dǎo)入，一定要簡潔，明了，讓人一眼看到你的觀點并且讓人知道你是明白話題的全部內(nèi)容的。
在同義詞替換和照搬原詞間，有時后者更好。
雅思作文點評：語法錯誤
還是看雅思寫作實例，大家可以一起來找茬
Last but not least， those who lacks skills to deal with people and fails to control their emotions would more likely to form prejudice during their international travel. It is a common situation to get cheated by people there for the reason of ignorance of local situation. Necessarily， open-minded is required to deal with unjudged treatments. Otherwise the bad memories would not only affect the journey but lead to the prejudice towards all the citizens of the place.
再來看結(jié)果
Last but not least， those who lacks(lack) skills to deal with people and fails(fail) to control their emotions would (be)more likely to form prejudice during their international travel. It is a common situation to get cheated by people there for the reason of ignorance of local situation. Necessarily， open-minded(open-mindedness) is required to deal with unjudged(這個詞是什么意思?unfair吧?)treatments. Otherwise the bad memories would not only affect the journey but lead to the prejudice towards all the citizens of the place.
語法和詞匯是語言的兩大基石。在雅思寫作中，所有渴望高分的烤鴨無不希望能有一雙讓自己自由翱翔的翅膀?？墒呛芏鄷r候，語法基礎(chǔ)的薄弱，讓不少人在嘗試復(fù)雜句型時頻頻出錯，而另一方面，最基礎(chǔ)的一些語法，如名詞單復(fù)數(shù)，冠詞，動詞時態(tài)等又時常被很多人忽視，于是一篇用詞屌屌，思路濤濤，自我感覺甚好的文章被打入6—的冷宮時，某些人可能還不知罪在何處。
因為有些逛外文論壇的經(jīng)驗，跟國內(nèi)論壇進(jìn)行，國人在遣詞造句時，對語法的要求真的是很low，各種錯字，錯詞，莫名其妙的表達(dá)層出不窮，而我們大都淡然。所以，這種隨意也自然地在很多人的作文中得到了體現(xiàn)。學(xué)好語法，重視語法，只會讓自己的雅思備考之路越走越寬。
雅思作文點評：陳詞濫調(diào)
直接搬出一篇雅思大作文習(xí)作，來make my point.
Nowadays， we have different way of life than our parents. We tend to criticize their thoughts and concepts for being not fit to such a fast growing society. However， some traditional ideas， in my opinion， are more valuable and should be inherited.
First， most principles， though dating from the past， own their values to the present and the future because they are the essences of our ancestors’ wisdom. They play significant roles in keep our society sustainable development from one generation to another. It is the heritage of traditional opinions that enables us to be frugal for living materials， natural and social resources. In contrast， if we judge the old ideas simply by its fit for modern times， it is more likely to deny those for which we are desperately look.
Meanwhile， it is noticeable that some tradition thoughts and concepts are increasingly integrated into modern world， especially in the domain of fashion design. The trend of back-to-ancients is a vivid demonstration in which the blend of traditional elements and modern design wins the popularity among younger generation. In this way， it seems arbitrary to assume that older generation’s traditional ideas are not the right way in the present age.
Despite， we still acknowledge that part of stereotypes desperately need to be reviewed or abandoned. Some obsolete viewpoints only followed the trend in the past and do not catch up the new generation due to their limitation. For example， gender discrimination existed in the past time but has been argued by the modern society， in which we advocate that females are able to have equal opportunities to chase their dreams， just like males do.
Therefore， it is carelessly to make a sweeping generalization that old traditions are not suitable to modern lives. It is rational to preserve those valuable and correct traditional ethics and discard the incompatible ones.
可以找一找這篇語言底子不錯的雅思大作文，在句式使用上的一個特點，就是“It is”句型的泛濫，在全文的分布是：第2段，2次;第3段，2次;第5段，2次。最過分的就是第5段，只有2句話，就用了2次it is 句型。
筆者對此做的點評：我忍不住要重重地提醒你，你的全文中使用it is +adj的次數(shù)過多過濫，不信?你可以看看你的結(jié)論段。不要認(rèn)為這種表達(dá)用得越多越好。使用這種表達(dá)，在我看來，是一種逃避責(zé)任的表達(dá)方式，因為你可以輕松地省去主語，用較為隱晦的方式來表達(dá)觀點。
在雅思寫作中，有些時候，出于某些需要，我們會選擇使用某種句型。但如果因為習(xí)慣了不假思索的使用，而讓自己的文章顯得程式化，得不償失。這6句，第一句之前已經(jīng)做出了修改：Traditional ideas teach us to be frugal and always save for the future. 第2句” if we judge the old ideas simply by its fit for modern times， it is more likely to deny those for which we are desperately look“可修改為”If judging the old ideas simply by whether it is fit for modern times， we are more likely to miss what we desperately seek.“
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